I feel the irresistable need to let the world know how much I’m annoyed by the latest Hummer H3 ads. The new TV commercials really are some of the dumbest shit I’ve seen since… since… well, since the last set of Hummer commercials. Essentially, I guess I’m trying to say that owning a Hummer in the city is just plain idiotic and these commercials prove it (as if 10mpg wasn’t enough). You don’t need it – your ego does, and the new commercials back up my opinion about that.
You’ve probably seen them already. The guy in line at the grocery store looks at all the red meat and man-stuff that the guy behind him is buying, then looks at his load of tofu and other veggie things, and suddenly he feels immasculated. So, he rushes off to buy a Hummer (I would have just gone and bought some meat and beer – at least I would end up fed and drunk instead of just broke and driving a truck named after a blowjob).
As he’s driving away, they flash on the screen, in big block letters, “RECLAIM YOUR MANHOOD“. Are you serious?! Why not just flash, “OUR TRUCK IS YOUR PENIS” on the screen instead?!
There is a corresponding commercial for women, which shows a mother and her son getting cut off in line on a playground by another kid and his mom, who obviously had been an experienced bully in her childhood. So then Mom A rushes off to buy a Hummer H3 to repair her mashed ego. This time the text reads, “GET YOUR GIRL ON,” which I guess means: careen this thing through rush hour traffic, not checking your mirrors and cutting off other motorists, all-the-while talking on your mobile phone (hey, as long as we’re enforcing soccer mom stereotypes… Anyway, you know it’s true).
Personally, I just would have punched Mom B in the stomach and saved 50-grand, but hey – I’m crazy like that.
I’m issuing a big UP YOURS to President Bush, General Motors, The Governator, soccer moms, and hip-hop stars everywhere for their unquenchable thirst for more SUV Juice.
If you need me, I’ll be in my Volkswagen.