Asshole Marketing

I feel the irresistable need to let the world know how much I’m annoyed by the latest Hummer H3 ads. The new TV commercials really are some of the dumbest shit I’ve seen since… since… well, since the last set of Hummer commercials. Essentially, I guess I’m trying to say that owning a Hummer in the city is just plain idiotic and these commercials prove it (as if 10mpg wasn’t enough). You don’t need it – your ego does, and the new commercials back up my opinion about that.

You’ve probably seen them already. The guy in line at the grocery store looks at all the red meat and man-stuff that the guy behind him is buying, then looks at his load of tofu and other veggie things, and suddenly he feels immasculated. So, he rushes off to buy a Hummer (I would have just gone and bought some meat and beer – at least I would end up fed and drunk instead of just broke and driving a truck named after a blowjob).

As he’s driving away, they flash on the screen, in big block letters, “RECLAIM YOUR MANHOOD“. Are you serious?! Why not just flash, “OUR TRUCK IS YOUR PENIS” on the screen instead?!

There is a corresponding commercial for women, which shows a mother and her son getting cut off in line on a playground by another kid and his mom, who obviously had been an experienced bully in her childhood. So then Mom A rushes off to buy a Hummer H3 to repair her mashed ego.  This time the text reads, “GET YOUR GIRL ON,” which I guess means: careen this thing through rush hour traffic, not checking your mirrors and cutting off other motorists, all-the-while talking on your mobile phone (hey, as long as we’re enforcing soccer mom stereotypes… Anyway, you know it’s true).

Personally, I just would have punched Mom B in the stomach and saved 50-grand, but hey – I’m crazy like that.

I’m issuing a big UP YOURS to President Bush, General Motors, The Governator, soccer moms, and hip-hop stars everywhere for their unquenchable thirst for more SUV Juice.

If you need me, I’ll be in my Volkswagen.


~ by peakaction on July 16, 2006.

2 Responses to “Asshole Marketing”

  1. I say, “Right on, brother.” My VW and I are with you all the way on this one. The latest Passat commercials have this whole issue pegged. Have you seen/heard their tag line about the “lowest ego emissions of any German engineered car”? The cars and people they mock in the commercials are the very same sort who buy Hummers!

  2. My Neigboourhood is FILLED with rednecks driving big suv’s and trucks.. and most of them are not hauling anything around but themselves (with their cell phone’s to their ears. no less).

    In fact most of these people would never think of using their truck to haul things with!! (heaven forbid the box LINER gets a scratch !!) So last year I bought a Mazda Miata and pissed all the red necks in my neighborhood off! and now (sniff!) they won’t talk to me!!!

    I Tell Yah, Worked better than a can of RAID. I will smile however as the next few years of “peak oil ” production goes by and they all (sheepishly and quietly) switch over to more econimical cars.

    Hey redneck! with all the money I saved on gas this year. I can help save the planet ,But also piss you off by Buying my wife a Mini or a Miata this year! I’ll see your Hummer in the scrap pile

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: